Dancing Days

Here is a confession from the mind of Marty...I'm sorry.

You would think that being 30 and working at the mall would be humiliating. And you would be right. In fact, you would be spot on with the exception of two things...which are almost identical in importance.

First and definitely most important is my family is provided for. #1.

The second and increasingly more entertaining, is the viewing of events at the mall. The people watching is my favorite and will often lead me to laugh and laugh continually for hours and even days.

The top three laughable moments are as follows (I am not as funny as Becky, so I'm sorry if this isn't that funny to you)(Please don't change your view of me because of this. Just remember you liked me already, this part of me existed when we were already friends, so you can't take it back now)

3) This happens more often than you would think. A person enters my place of employment (PacSun) and is quite rude. I try to be nice and take them from a negative encounter to a positive one. On occasion this will impossible. When this rude individual, after all of my attempts have failed they will come to the cash register to buy something. And their card/check will decline. After all their meanness, and rudeness, they end up looking like a fool. Hilarious.

2) On my lunch break I will often position myself to where I can see the entry doors to the mall. The automatic ones. Sometimes I will catch someone on the phone and not paying attention to where they are going. This is hilarious when they think they are walking into the automatic doors and they are walking into the manual doors. On one occasion...a gentleman was talking in a very animated way approaching the doors. I knew this was going to be a good one. He walked without slowing right into the manual doors. This knocked the phone out of his hands and readjusted his glasses for him. I spit out my food from the force of my laughter. I didn't even have time to hold it in. I COULDN'T!! I was laughing all day long. I would be folding some t-shirt and just belch out laughter. Causing curious looks and silent judgement. Totally worth it.

1) Oh man. This is the best. The first two don't happen with enough frequency to determine when or if it is going to happen. Not this one. I know when it's going to happen. I can plan my lunch around it, even what I am going to eat, so it's less embarrassing when I spit it out. On rainy days, when the mall maintenance puts out those "Slippery when wet" signs; pay attention! Because I will be right there to laugh at you. My favorite thing is when it is pouring outside, and the floor is slippery. People come bounding through the door and hit that slick floor...YARD SALE BABY!!! Once every couple of seconds someone will walk through the door and slip and slide all over the place. The first story, and I feel the worst about laughing about this one, but I cannot help it. IS the overactive, kids not paying attention story. A boy about the age of 11 came running through the door and as he was turning lost his feet and abandoned ship all over the floor. Not a second later, watching his older brother fall a younger version of the first came running in and fell the exact same way in the exact same place as the first. I literally laughed out loud. They saw me laughing but I couldn't help it. The second story, and arguably my favorite, is the very concerned with appearance girl. This girl walked in on a rainy day in heels and not enough on. Her first step sent her right foot hurling forward at a deadly speed, carrying the rest of her forward into an awkward version of the splits. As she let out a very obvious and high pitched "OH SHIIII*!" Next to the totally obviousness of this event, she got up and looked around to see if anyone saw. Which we all did, who could miss that, and locked eyes with me literally crying from laughing so hard!! I could literally watch that every day and still laugh. I am laughing at the memory. The third, and this is the reason for the title of this blog. The dancing tough guy. This guy came in with his girlfriend right behind him. Didn't hold the door for her by the way. Powers through the door and and old lady exiting. He hits our dance floor and instantly starts to lose his balance and his feet go out to both sides. He begins to realize he might fall, so he corrects by throwing his arms up and sliding a foot underneath him, which only turns him 90 degrees. Which also throws him off balance. To which he responds by planting his left foot on the ground and grabbing a table which squeals and turns underneath him sending him to the floor. Right in front of his girl who neither slipped nor stuttered in step. But burst out in an uncontrollable laughter, to which I joined in chorus, drawing attention to the scenario. He looked pissed, and declined a hand from his girlfriend an assistance. Probably just as funny that he was too cool to hold the door, but his girl had to help him up!! JUSTICE!! Who says God isn't fair. The last, just to make it fair, is mine. A couple of years ago I was walking into a mall and without losing stride walked right into a slippery spot and my feet flew out from underneath me like someone had pulled out a rug. and I landed square on my back which caused everyone, especially the friends I was with to laugh. Everybody does it. Just don't do it in front of me. Because if I know you I will walk up to you, lean over your humbled body, point in your face and laugh, laugh, laugh.

You're welcome.