Black Dog

So I love my church family. Amazing family. So many different people, I know folks who voted for Obama, I know book worms, people who smoke weed. I know people who smoke cigarettes, drink, cuss, joke too hard, do not, in any way, shape or form, want children. I have friends who struggle with homosexuality, and give in to their temptation but still cry out to God for love, mercy and acceptance. We're an eclectic family, and we need each other to balance out. I love my family.

I go to church assuming that I am going to pick something up, and learn, see my family, and go home. Today something happened, that happens a lot, I got hit. God showed me something that, I can't let go of, and it's getting more intense as time goes on. I want to sit in our secret place, and try to get at God. I want to quit work, stop eating, bring a bottle of water and run and run until i get some clarity.

I want to get visions. I want to have dreams, and promises, and words. I want to see people healed, and I want to hear my Father tell me about His dream for me. I'm so desperate for His voice, and I need to get my hands on Him, and I want to open my heart and my mind to everything He has. I ache to hear His voice, I ache to know his voice from mine. I ache to, on instinct, cry out to Him.

So how? How do I find MORE of Him? If (in the Prodigal parable it tells us) we have had Access to Fathers house, then how do I get in to the house? What steps do I take? How do I ask? Where do I go? How do I get on this freight train that Father is conducting, and ride His pulse through life?

Not sure...but I need to find out...I need more.